Lilleys of the Field

Keep Pedaling

2011-12-06T08:48:00.001-08:00

"Go! Great Job! That is so good!" The excited words and smile on my face easily showed my joy and happiness as did the tongue out and concentrated look on her face show her determination as she tried for the first time to pedal.
Today Berty learned to ride her first bike while Ruby learned to ride her first bike without training wheels. Everyone gathered to watch as they proudly showed off their new skills. As I video taped this new chapter of their lives I realized I was also closing one.

Tears fill my eyes as I write this.
Simply thinking of the time when they will no longer snuggle on the couch to read with me or want to sleep in "Mon-ah's" room fills my heart with sadness.
Pretty soon we won't need to push strollers anymore. Pretty soon they won't need me to hold them or play with them.
Change is hard.
But what won't change is that they will always be my brothers and sisters. I hope they will always need me just like I need them.
They may grow up but they will never be too big to be my brothers and sisters... my family... my friends. That will never change.
I may mourn my "loss" with my siblings growing up. I may not always like the way things change but I know it's all part of His plan.
Through the hard times of change I can look forward to the day when we will walk and work and fellowship together as adults... as best friends... as family.

And that's something to keep pedaling for.

Let it go

2011-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

I had been so tense.
Hadn't even realized how much I was carrying until I let it all go.
So much had been going on... frustration, joy, anger, sorrow, hope, hopelessness, misunderstandings...feeling as though my life was stuck on a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. I finally let go and cried. They were tears of sorrow, anger and self pity.

After my little internal tantrum I felt ashamed but better. In some way I felt the Lord standing there listening to the questions, statements of anger, beggings, pleadings, complaints, discontent, confusion, and self hatred running through my head. He was staring at me, watching me as I struggled to understand everything. I was looking for the shame and disgustion I had thought would show on His face. Instead, His face showed sorrow and almost helplessness, like He wanted to explain and show me how everything is and will be fitting into my life but couldn't. I saw Him reach His arms out and hold me as only the True Lover can. In His embrace I found everything I needed... not everything I wanted or wanted to know but instead it was everything I needed...which was simply to be reminded how much He loves me and has plans for me.
And that was enough.

A new little Lilley

2011-10-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

Jason Eli Lilley

Born: Oct. 14th at 9:11pm

8lbs 3oz

Temptations

2011-09-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

"Temptation in itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human....temptation comes to me, suggesting a possible shortcut to the realization of my highest goal... when I yield to it, I have made lust a god, and the temptation itself becomes proof that it was only my own fear that prevented me from falling into the sin earlier....temptation is not something we can escape; in fact, it is essential to the well-rounded life of a person....God does not save us from tempations- He sustains us in the midst of them."
-from My Upmost for His Highest

2011-05-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

Something so satisfying in eating homemade peanut butter and homemade jelly on homemade bread... mmhh!
~Worth It All~

Still here!

2011-04-14T11:18:00.001-07:00

Yes! We are all alive and doing well. Life seems to just keep going!

I am looking forward to a little bit of slowing down in May and will hopefully get to write a little more then... ha. But I can always hope! :-)

2011-03-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

This is how I have been feeling a lot lately.... thank goodness He is always there and so forgiving!

And I would so love to learn to play this on the uke!

:-(

2011-03-05T18:54:00.000-08:00

This has to be one of the saddest and most twisted articles I have ever read.

Oh Lord, have mercy on our world!

Just saying "Hi!"

2011-03-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since we have updated.... life just keeps rolling along! These goats are teaching me so much... about perseverance and scheduling. I don't always feel like getting up before dawn to milk momma goat but it's not about what I want... it's about what's best for her!
The babies are getting so big. They have provided many a laugh at their funny antics. And let me tell you, they can jump a lot higher than I ever thought they could!
Anybody want to give a good home to a sweet little black nigerian dwarf buck? :-)
*sigh* I can't keep them both!

A New Lilley

2011-02-14T07:10:00.001-08:00

No, it's not my Mom this time.

Lee and Jenn are expecting a new little Lilley in Oct. We are all so excited, of course!

Please pray for them as they walk this new road together!

His Love

2011-02-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

This is an awesome 6 part series on the Lord revealing Himself to the Amish. It is so amazing. Please take the time to watch! And continue to pray for these families and others as they choose who they will serve, God or mammon.

2011-01-27T06:23:00.001-08:00

More snow... only a dusting this time.

Woof!

2011-01-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

Liberty was sooo tired. I looked at her and said "you are one tired puppy". She smiled and said "woof, woof!"

What kind of people?

2010-12-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

One night we were watching a video on the book of Acts. We were almost at the part were Stephen yelled "You stiff necked people" to the Pharisees and Jonathan asked: "Isn't this the part where he yells 'you redneck people'?"

Well, not quite. ;-)

Happy Birthday!

2010-12-14T14:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday B-Y Cat!

You are such a big girl!
We love you!

Happy Birthday!

2010-12-08T14:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Lee!
The big 20!
Love you little bro!

10%

2010-12-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

A 10% chance of rain means a 90% chance of not raining, right?
Wrong

Seems it means "there-is-a-definite-possibility-of-rain-but-are-only-going-to-a-call-it-a-10% -chance" because it did rain that night.
The night we got 4 round bales of hay for the winter and didn't have the place ready to put them.
Yeah, that would be the night.
So much for thinking optimistically!

Thankfully it was only a light drizzle and it didn't affect the hay.

Snow!?

2010-12-05T07:32:00.001-08:00

It snowed here today!
I think that is the earliest it has snowed here since I can remember.

Of Butter and Soap

2010-11-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

There is something so satisfactory in making a normal commodity from scratch.

I made butter a couple of days ago. I am still learning how to skim the cream from the milk so it didn't make much but wow, what an amazing process!
It doesn't look like much when you pour it into the mixer, nothing more than thick milk. Then all of a sudden, from under the buttermilk, you see a thick yellow substance forming.
Even though I "know why" it should happen, it still seems like a miracle when it happens.

So much like the process in bar soap, too.
I "know why" the lye should thicken with the oils to make a pudding like substance that will harden into beautiful rich bars of soap in only 4 weeks.

I may "know why" but I don't think I will every comprehend or understand why.
He designed all this... and it blows me away.
What an amazing, creative God!

Little wonderful things.
Everyday miracles... I so enjoy them.

Just for Laughs

2010-11-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

Videos like this:

this:

or this:

..and yes, even this:

...always make me smile. I don't care how many times I see them, there is always something so uniquely cool when people take two completely boring or ordinary things such as, singing and an airport, and combine them to create something fun.

Or maybe I'm just easily entertained.

Today

2010-11-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

Today was filled with:

Log splitting and stacking

Chasing run-away goats

Making over 30 pounds of soap

Out-of-town friends for lunch and dinner

Singing while washing and drying dishes

Good funny youtube videos with the kids

Organizing paperwork

Hanging laundry

Crying

Laughing

Living

2010-11-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

So shetlands are a little persnickety about their coats. Sometimes they need to be shorn twice a year and sometimes not. I was hoping "not" for this year but by early November I knew she would need to be shorn. So, I decided to try.

I hadn't sheared a sheep since the class back in March.

I knew I needed to start somewhere so I took a deep breath and turned the shears on.

Can't you see the apprehension in my face?

Of course Lydie was a stinker the whole time. But we managed to do ok together. She better get used to it though! I finally finished her after almost 2 hours. Whew! It didn't take me that long in class but then again, I didn't have someone reminding me of "the dance steps".

And boy, was I sore the next day!

My Family

2010-11-18T11:16:00.000-08:00

My family, what a blessing they are to me.

They have put up with so much from me and have taught me so much.

I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for them.

I learn everyday what unconditional love is, they give it to me so freely.

I love you all and thank the Lord for you!

Really?

2010-11-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

I was talking to an older friend yesterday when the conversation turned to a mutual friend of ours and they said in passing "I don't know them very well". The conversation changed again and I didn't think about it 'till later but it struck me as odd. This friend had been going to our church for over 5 years, he is an active member and is definitely not very quiet! He has helped my older friend's family move to a new house, has helped with yard work multiple times and has gone out to eat and hung out with them and yet they can say honestly that they don't know him very well.

It really makes me sad but it also makes me stop and check my heart.

Why didn't they know him very well? Why don't I know some people better? I felt like the Lord showed me 2 reasons why.

1) They just didn't really care about him and what was going on in his life. But they know who to call when they need help. Why? Because they know what he can offer them more than they knew who he is. I know that might sound harsh but I'm being honest. It hurts to say but I have been on both sides of the situation.

2) Neither he nor they would be real. They wouldn't let the walls down. It seems to be an epidemic in churches nowadays. You can't show them who you really are for fear or rejection. Being transparent and real means leaving yourself vulnerable. You open yourself up. Now granted, you shouldn't do that with everyone and there are parts of you that only the Lord need know. But the church is beyond that. We have gotten to a place that we can't even show our smallest faults or problems for fear of gossip or rejection, and I'm sorry but that's not the sort of fellowship the Lord left us with. The words to the Casting Crowns song, Stained Glass Masquerade, ring so true:

Is there anyone that fails

Is there anyone that falls

Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover

That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin, I play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people

Under shiny plastic steeples

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there

Are there any hands to raise

Am I the only one who's traded

In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing

And we know every line by heart

Only when no one is watching

Can we really fall apart

These are my favorite lines of the song and have rung so true in my life:
But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay

I have tried so hard ( I really don't need to... my faults are quite easy to see) to be real in a fake world. I want to be a clear glass, not a frosted one.
These thoughts haven't made me judge what my friend has said but instead made me check my heart and my motives in friendships. I want to know my friends, not what they can do for me.

2010 Ren Fest

2010-11-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

What a fun time we had at the Renaissance Festival a couple of weekends ago. I hadn't been in years.

"Please, please, please, more chips."

Italian ice on oranges are wonderful! Tin-Tin was so cute because he kept getting it on his nose!

The jousting match!

Ruby had her hair braided and it stayed in for a few days. She loved it and even though she won't let us brush her hair at home she let the hair lady brush and braid it! The little stinker!

It was a long day but filled with much fun!

Is it just me?

2010-11-02T09:42:00.001-07:00

2010 Berlin Fiddler's Convention

2010-09-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Summer won 3rd in both mandolin and guitar and we all won 3rd in youth band!
Everyone did so great!

It never will be

2010-09-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

This past week I have had an intense internal struggle with myself.
Well, maybe not just this week.... it's kinda been my whole life.
You see, I never seem to accept what I do. It's never good enough. It doesn't matter what it is, I can always find something I could have done better. Whether it's work, teaching, relationships, conversations, or even my body it's never the level of excellence it should be. I would make a wonderful quality control.

The Lord has been freeing me one lesson at a time. He has been so faithful and my family has been so patient.

But this past week, when the struggle seemed even more intense, a thought crossed my mind.
I was sitting at the computer and feeling really upset with myself and thought "it's just never good enough, no matter what I do, it's never good enough" instantly the Lord answered "and it never will be. Can't you see that's the way I made you? To be completely and totally dependent on me. You will never, never be able to fulfill My Law, but I'm not asking you to. All I'm asking is for you to trust Me. You have been saved by faith...FAITH. It is not because of what you have done or ever will do, it's because of what I have done for you. Won't you just rest in that?"

Finally, it all made sense. I don't need to be the world's "perfect" which would mean never to fail or make a mistake. Perfection in the Lord is a joyfully surrendered heart, mind and soul to Him. That whatever He asks you to do, say or go you know He has a reason for it and not only a reason but that it's for your good. It's resting in Him and all that He says about you.
I am sure I will be tested on this... but I pray that this time I will speak what He says about me and the situation and not what I think I am seeing.

CMSA

2010-08-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

It is absolutely amazing to me how much He loves me.

I just don't understand why He would even care about me let alone bless me in the way He does! Even little things that don't matter at all in the long run matter to Him.

Such is the case with the CMSA.

I first found out about the Cowboy Mounted Shooting Association about 4 years ago. My mom brought home an old magazine she found somewhere and of course, I wanted to do it! Watching it would be nice too... I guess. :-)
The basic idea is to keep the days of the Old West alive. Each participant must wear 1800's period costume while competing. They ride their horse through a pattern of balloons, sort of like barrel racing, shooting the balloons with their black powder pistols.

There aren't many local groups that do this but there was one group up in Delaware that would have competitions during the summer. I had wanted to watch an actual competition so when we found out they were having one I really wanted to go. I was supposed to teach that day but my lesson ended up calling and canceling. Hooray! :-)

Our whole family went and yes, it is awesome to watch... and I am sure even more fun to do!

Encouragement

2010-08-29T01:43:00.000-07:00

Any of you young ladies looking for encouragement I would highly recommend the website Young Ladies Christian Fellowship.
I have been so encouraged and convicted by some of the articles. God has definitely used it in my life.
My only word of warning, and this applies to any website, sermon, relationship you might have, it shouldn't replace your personal relationship with Him.
I have fallen in that trap many times without even knowing it. Yes, that person/article/sermon/ relationship/book may have been helpful, encouraging, inspiring, or even convicting but in thinking that would fill the void in my life it only set me up to be disappointed and frustrated.
Nothing, absolutely nothing can or should have that sort of influence on me except for Jesus.

When I'm lonely, I don't need a relationship, I need to spend more time with Jesus.
When I feel empty, I need to feed on His Word more.
When I am confused or frustrated I need to remember to focus on what He says about the situation I am in.
When I feel like everyone around me has something ( physically or spiritually) that I don't, I need to remember He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. If I don't have it yet then I must not really need it.

The only thing I need is Him. I don't really "need" anything else. Other things may help but if I start to lean on them He will take them way... just to show me who or what I am really leaning on.

Just for laughs...

2010-08-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

David, our 9 yo, has been reading through the Bible for the past couple of months. Each morning after finishing his reading he will pick a verse, write it down and draw a picture of it. That's reading, handwriting, reading comprehension, and art all rolled into one.
Isn't homeschooling great?
He has been reading through Leviticus and after finishing his chapter, which happened to be on circumcision, said to Mom "I don't think that would make a very good picture, right mom?"
Needless to say we all got a good chuckle out of that.

And no, he didn't draw a picture.

It's all about.... me?

2010-08-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

When will I ever grow up?
Lately the Lord has been revealing who I am... not who I want to be, not who He says I am but who I really am.
The Me that comes out when things don't go the way I planned them, the Me that comes out when I don't do my best, the Me that lashes out when frustrated or tired, the Me that comes out when I am ignored, or when someone says something that isn't true about me.... and... and... I don't like what I see.

They say that trials and hardships show who you really are and I'm not liking what I'm seeing.

I'm not seeing Jesus.

I see a selfish, irresponsible, prideful, ungrateful, little girl full of flesh who desperately needs a Savior.

Boy, did it hurt to say that.
But I don't want to stay this way. Normally when I see something that needs to change in my life I despair of ever becoming like Him. Shouldn't I already have these basic principles of love, joy, peace, etc down already? Have I really been missing it all this time? I believe the Lord has been telling me Yes and No. It's not that I haven't "gotten it" because frankly I don't think I ever will perfectly. I am not supposed to be a perfect little replica of Jesus but instead I am to reflect His life just as the moon reflects the light of the sun. On it's own the moon is nothing but a large rock in the sky (not very scientific I know) but because of it's inability to do any thing "on it's own" it because the brightest light in our night sky. Am I not the same way? On my own I am completely helpless but when I yield and allow myself to simply be a surface, a plain, boring, ordinary surface He can reflect His life through it.
My whole christian life I have been learning the lessons of unconditional love, of peace that passes all understanding and of joy that comes in the mourning. And the learning will never stop. I will never have it "down" so to say.. A dear friend told me that we are much like onions, each layer needing to be peeled away. There is always another "peel" in my life that needs to be torn off.

But it keeps me broken. And the more I think and dwell on it the more I realize that's what He wants.
He just wants me to know it's not about me it's about Him.... and to remember that, always.

So Lord,
Teach me the lessons You need to. I am listening and learning. I am open. I know You have purpose in it all. Help me to see each lesson and pass them for Your glory, not for my own edification but instead, so You can reflect through me. I know that even in Your chastening You are showing me that You love me. Thank you.

Only Him

2010-07-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God says to the Christian, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone. Not until you have given yourself totally unreservedly to Me, until you have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. Not until you have discovered that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found.

Then will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.Keep listening & learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready -- I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time -- until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and is thus the perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me. I want you to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly. I am EL SHADDI (Almighty).

"Believe it and be satisfied". (Psalms 37:3-5)

* I don't usually repost things but I didn't think I could express this any better than it was already written.These ideas have always been growing in my heart but the older I get the more I cling to them. The whole website is actually very encouraging.... http://ylcf.org/burningcandle/

We're back!

2010-07-19T10:41:00.001-07:00

Summer and I just got back from a week long music camp called Common Ground on the Hill. It was wonderful!

But now we are home and it's back to work! :-)

Our B-Y CAT

2010-06-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

Mom asked Davy to go get his book on Sitting Bull and doing his reading when Ruby said "I'm Standing Bull!"

No Ruby, you're Running Bull! *wink*

There's a reason we call her B-Y Cat!

She came out of the house wearing a white polka dot dress and she told me "I'm going to wear this to the wedding."
"Whose wedding?" I ask.
"Mine" she said before running off.

I can't wait to see that!

Maritime Museum

2010-06-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

Pictures from a field trip to the Maritime Museum in St. Michael's.

Maybe?

2010-06-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

We might actually have found some internet that will work!
I'M SO EXCITED!
Maybe I will get to actually post something this weekend when I have a little free time... a very little free time.. ha.

Happy Birthday!

2010-06-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Happy 9th Birthday Davy Doodle! We love you!

... Continued...

2010-05-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

My favorite video from the reception... all 3 groomsmen getting down! These guys are great! They helped us get set up, even though it meant staying up 'till midnight to finish it all and didn't complain once! They even learned about tulle and puddling! Thanks guys!

Wait till I post pictures of what we did after the wedding! I couldn't ask for better friends!

The Wedding

2010-05-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday afternoon Lee and Jennifer became one flesh. They promised to love and cherish through the good and the bad, and it was beautiful. I don't have any pictures of the ceremony but I will post them as soon as I do!
So, for now, here are some of the reception. Such fun! (all these photos were taken by Arlene)

First Dance

Father daughter dance... they made me cry!

We saw 'em!

2010-04-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

We spotted our first hummingbird of the year on April 17th.
Summer really is coming!
Hooray!
We love watching our tiny feathered friends battle over the hummingbird feeders. Sometimes they even take on the ever present wasp.
What amazing, wonderful, beautiful creatures!

The Big 50

2010-04-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to the best Daddy in the world!

School is now in session!

2010-03-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

I just finished 2 days of Sheep Shearing School in Westminster, MD. I got to shear 4 1/3 sheep while there and watched countless other shearings. I started will a sheep as big as I was... well, that's what the gentlemen on my team joked when they brought the ewe to me. She was definately too large for me to handle at this point with my limited sheep wrasling (wrestling said with an eastern shore accent... c'mon use your imagination!) expierence so I got about 1/3 of the way into shearing her and had to stop and have the instructor finish it. The guys promised they would find a smaller one next time and they kept their word! All 4 of the ones they brought, I was able to completely shear... at least enough to get their winter wool coats off of them.

I learned so much.... and and very tired and sore!

Lee and Jenn May 15, 2010

2010-03-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

Lee and Jenn let me do their engagement photos. So fun...but so different from any photography I have ever done! Here are some of my favorites. I will post more as I can. Let me know what you think!

Random Family Updates

2010-03-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

Birdie has been taking her first steps! She is so cautious... but loves the attention when we all stop whatever we are doing to watch her!

Ruby has been so funny. Recently when I was putting her down for a nap she said " I am a good princess." We also heard her singing " Amazing grace, how sweet I am." And boy does she have Daddy wrapped around her little finger! :-)

David and Jonathan ate a whole burger and a half each last night! I am beginning to wonder how we will ever feed them when they hit the teen years!

Summer and Sophie have been sewing and knitting up a storm! I can hardly walk upstairs but the items they are producing are wonderful! Hopefully I will get them set up with an etsy store soon... but since we don't have internet at the house.. well, it has really cut down on all internet related posting. :-P

Lee and Jenn are still planning for May 15th as their wedding day. So much planning... but the Lord is really blessing them! Ribbons and candles in her colors, the church and a hall for the dates they wanted ( available only a month or 2 in advance!) and so much more! I did their engagement photos and I think they turned out alright... hopefully I will get to post the pictures.

Another Twist...

2010-01-30T18:12:00.000-08:00

Around the bend I go and... wow... a new direction.

So last time I left everyone I was praying about whether I was supposed to go back to the Philippines in Feb. or August to study at the Newlife School of Midwifery.

Well, after much praying I feel the Lord leading me to stay home.
So the next question was if I was supposed to study midwifery at home as an apprentice.

And again the answer was no.

I was slightly confused. I mean, if I was supposed to go to the Philippines to simply learn more about my First Love then it was totally worth it but.... there had to be more... there just had to be.
But it really seemed like there wasn't and so I tried to rest in what He was telling me to do and to just be faithful in that.

Then, someone mentioned being a Doula.

Ding!

The lights came on and the bells started ringing.

I just knew that the Lord was leading me in that direction. I'm still not sure how it is all going to work but I know that He knows what He is doing and I trust that He will reveal it... in His time. Of course I would appreciate your prayers as well, they mean so much!

So, in the mean time.....
Does anyone need a Doula?
:-)

Fun!

2010-01-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

I Do!

2010-01-10T05:43:00.000-08:00

On Christmas morning Lee got down on one knee and asked his girlfriend, Jennifer, if she would marry him. Of course she said yes!
The date is set for May 15, 2010.

My baby brother is getting married! *sniff*

Another...

2009-12-31T17:24:00.000-08:00

So here I am thinking over the past year.

So much learned....
So many good memories....

Kinda feeling like I don't even have words to describe it! I know I made many mistakes in 09 and that I went through many hard times ( and I am sure there are more coming) but I wouldn't go back to change anything. Why? Because I know He was with me every step of the way.

Thanks for a new year Lord!

SNOW!

2009-12-19T14:23:00.001-08:00

It's snowing! What a wonderul feeling to see the snow even lightly cover the ground around us.

I love snow.

Made it home!

2009-12-04T21:35:00.001-08:00

And so many stories to tell!

PACKING!

2009-12-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

I will be leaving in about 15 hours to head home.

I am so excited and yet sad too.

I have meet so many wonderful people and have experienced so many new things... it is hard to leave a place of growth! But I know He is moving me to another place of growth... here we go again! :-)

So looking forward to seeing my wonderful family again (I really really miss them) but am not looking forward to the long flight home..... at least it's shorter then the trip here!

I'm thankful for...

2009-11-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

...and so much more!

Thy Way, Not Mine

2009-11-26T06:11:00.001-08:00

I said: "Let me walk in the field";
God said: 'Nay, walk in the town";
I said: "There are no flowers there";
He said: "No flowers, but a crown."

I said: "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back,
"There is more," He said, "there is sin
I said: "But the air is thick,
And fogs are veiling the sun";
He answered: "Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone."

I said: "I shall miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me, "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."
I pleaded for time to be given;
He said: "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have, followed the steps of your Guide."
I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town;
He said: "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"
Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.
--George MacDonald

AVI

2009-11-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

Before I came to Davao I had been in contact with Mr. David Evans, Director of the Agdao Violin Institute. He asked that if I had anytime would I help out with the institute? Would I?! Of course! I was honored and have had such a great time! The children are really good, I'm actually not much of a help for the more advanced students but I think they enjoy playing for the white american. :-) They children have actually taught me all I know about the cello. They really enjoy being able to help one another. It has been so much fun playing with them, singing and just hanging out together. The children here are so motivated... most of them play not only the violin but the guitar, viola, and cello. They are in desperate need of teachers. The advanced students don't even have a teacher right now. Most of them don't even own an instrument, they have to come to the school to practice. They practice on Mon, Weds, and Fri and have lessons on Sat. In between the Sat. lessons they have a group bible study for the kids. It has been a blessing hearing the children sing and read the verses out loud in visayan. They also have a snack and play a game together afterwards. Such fun! We even played charades once. That was hilarious (and a whole 'nother story)! In the evening as everyone is packing up the instruments some of them go outside and sing on the steps.

Sorry it is so dark but... well.. it was!
Please pray for AVI. I know they would appreciate it.

So much

2009-11-23T02:06:00.000-08:00

I have learned so much while being here. From little things, like filling a syringe with PIT, checking heart tones, putting episiotomy and birth sets together to big things like administering PIT or vitamin K, actually delivering a baby and doing the newborn exam.
But I haven't only learned things in the natural or only related to midwifery. I think I have learned the most spiritually. But I haven't just learned these as head knowledge though, I have finally learned these with my heart.

I have learned that He won't make me give something up to follow Him... I have to being willing. But if I ask Him for His will, and really actually want it, I know He will help me to forsake all.

I have learned that no matter what a women in labor is feeling or no matter the language barrier, a smile really says it all.

I have learned to go beyond my comfort level in trying to speak their language and learning how to get from one place to another... He knows my weakness with directions!

I have learned that it doesn't matter what I look like to others, only what He sees matters... and believe me, He sees all!

I have learned that He really and truly loves me and wants me. Not because I have done anything to deserve it but simply because... well.. He loves me! It is simply amazing to be loved for no reason!

I have learned that there are always exceptions to the rules, in both midwifery and spiritually and the most important thing is to be led of the Spirit in all decisions.

I have learned that God always has a plan for me and if I will just stop and listen He will tell me.

I have learned that my family is a priceless treasure but that it must not become and idol for me... which is all too easy!

I have learned that there is nothing too hard for Him! Nothing!

I have learned so much more... this is just the tip of the iceberg. But one of the most important things I have learned is that He created me, every bit of me. And I am perfect in His sight. Do I fail in the natural? Yes. Am I perfect from the world's point of view? No. But to Him I am "As a lilley among thorns, so is my love among the daughters." (Ok,ok, so it really said lily.. not lilley)
That to me, is the most amazing, almost unbelievable, incredible,thing of all!

What about you?

2009-11-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

A world-class concert pianist was approached by an admirer after a stunning performance. "I would give my life to play the way you played this evening," declared the adoring fan.

"I have given my life," responded the virtuoso.

What about you? What have you given your life for?

I want to give my life to Him, serving Him in whatever ways He sees fit. To be able to hear His voice whenever He speaks and to follow wherever He leads. To have a real relationship with the one who gave His life for me. I want to know Him, not know of or about Him.
I want my life to spur others on in their hunger for Him, just like others have done for me.

That's want I want to give my life for.

A Perfect Picture

2009-11-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

For the first time I think I actually saw, not with my head (knowledge) but with my heart (understanding), just a small taste of how much He actually loves me.

This video was one of the links in the chain of events that helped me to really "see" His love. It is such an amazing picture of His love... I was so blessed by it. I cannot wait until the whole video comes out.

Every time I watch it I cry. This is how He feels for me and this is how I feel for Him. Knowing I belong to Him and am waiting for His return. So excited in the waiting!

I AM in Love

The Reel Show | MySpace Video

This is what I am waiting for. This is what I want in an earthly relationahip. To be treasured beyond measure... not because I am anything but simply because Jesus gave us to each other. I want our love and trust to grow stronger in the waiting. I want our marriage to be a picture of Christ's love for His bride. I want a man that is always going to love his Master better than he loves me.

But until God sends His choice to me I am content in the waiting, knowing that He loves me better than any man every could.
"... and who is a chosen man, that I may appoint over her? for who is like me? and who will appoint me the time?..." Jeremiah 49:19

Who is this really for?

2009-11-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I was really struggling with something I thought the Lord was leading me to do.

And I was struggling because.... well, frankly... I didn't want to do it.

I felt like it would hurt too much, that it would be too hard, that it would be more than I could handle and I wasn't sure if it would be worth it.

I kept thinking, I'll do it for You Lord, but it's so hard. How is this supposed to fit in with my life? What is Your plan for this? How are You going to use it? I don't understand. It hurts already... just thinking about it. How can this be good for me?

Then on the way to church on Sunday, while I was really trying to lay this thing down I felt the presence of the Lord so strong in the taxi. I repented for ever doubting Him. Ok, I surrender... I'll do it for You. Whatever You ask, I will do because I know it will be worth it.

Then He reminded me, Who are you doing this for? Really, who are you doing this for? Don't you know that I work all things together for your good? You asked for My will in your life because you said you knew whatever I had for you it would be for your good. And that I knew you better then even you knew yourself. You said you believed I knew what was best for you... why are you doubting? Don't think you are doing this just for me. Really, in the end, you will be doing this for you.

Ouch... need I say I cried right there in the taxi?

I think I have finally realized that since I asked Him to direct my life, everything is going to be the best for me. Even though I am doing everything for His Glory, it is certaintly for my good too. Can you imagine? Once we surrender and give our lives to Him, wherever He leads is not only where we will be giving all glory and honor and power to Him but it is also God's best for us! What an amazing thought. No matter what it is... it is for God's glory and our good.

Besides, Jesus gave His life for me... the absolute least I can do is to give mine to Him.

The Story

2009-11-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

On November 15th I worked night shift from 10pm-6am. It was a relatively busy night; postpartums, early labors, transports etc. All of the "baby-catchers" had labors and since I needed one more assist I was hoping one of them would deliver before 6am. Well, God had other plans.
Another labor came in and Carmen (my supervisor) said "Ok, Monika, all beds are full but you can check her in right here in the baby check area and when Jenna transports her labor to DMC (Davao Medical Center) you can have Bed 1."
I stood there looking at her and just kinda said "okkkaaaay."
She just smiled and handed me the chart.
So once she came out of the CR (Comfort Room aka bathroom) I checked her vitals at 12:27am. She was a G3 P1, meaning this was her 3rd pregnancy but has only delivered once before... she had a miscarriage with her first child.
All her vitals where normal and her contractions where about 1 min. apart, moderate-strong , lasting for about a min. Once we went into Bed 1 she wanted to push. She was so fast!
Baby was out at 1:18am with no complications.
A beautiful little girl named Jean Claire, 7lbs 13oz.
I was so busy doing the baby bath, baby exam, filling in all the info on the Birth Certificate, stablizing the mommy and moving them to post partum so thay could rest that I didn't finish it all until 6am!
After that I was like "I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby!" It was amazing! One of the girls got pictures so hopefully I will get them from her so I can post them soon.
God is much too good to me!

2009-11-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

I caught my first baby! November 16th at 1:18am. A beautiful 7 lb 13 oz little girl!
God is so good!

Ouch

2009-11-12T06:54:00.000-08:00

Growth, fruit.

It's what we all want, right?
Yet why do we complain when He puts us in the very situations that cause growth?

I only know this because...I am so guilty of this.

I asked Him to make me depend on Him and Him alone. So what does He do? He takes me half way around the world, where I know no one, where I can depend on no one, where there is no one to spiritually feed me and guess what?
I want to go home!

But deep down I know that this is the only way He is going to grow me right now.

I needed to go somewhere where I wasn't special, where I wasn't known, where I can't speak the language, where I am doing something I really know nothing about and am learning as I go, where I am not needed.

That's what is going to cause growth and fruit in my life. It's the winds and the rains, it's the hurricanes that prove the strength of the tree while making it stronger.

Don't get me wrong. I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. I have learned so much and have been so blessed in so many ways... this is just what has been on my heart... and it is so humbling realizing how prideful I really am.

So Lord, I really do thank You for all You have done to help me grow. Help me to learn and grow as You present new "trials". Thank you for humbling me and showing me the areas I need to grow in. You are so wonderful!

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

2009-11-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it can be very hard for me to trust. I want to know now if I am going to be doing this for 2 years in the Philippines or if I will study at home or if I am to study midwifery at all.

Lord, what is Your will? Where am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to be doing?

And the only thing I hear is: you are supposed to be right where you are doing just what you are doing. Live in today, not tomorrow. I will give you direction when you need it but for now just trust, rest, and step away from the window.

More Pictures

2009-11-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

A little bundle of joy!

The clinic

The Cutlural show

Haha, a delicious bun

The falls

A cultural song and dance display

The Falls

Us at the Falls

Me on my bed in my room

A Change of Plans

2009-11-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes God has a way of getting us to a certain place just so He can take us somewhere else.

At least, that's what He has to do for me sometimes. I find that sometimes instead of just telling me what will happen or what I should do for this and then this, He only tells me what I need to know for now. Not next week or next month but just for now.

Jesus said "I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now." (John 16:12)

That has been so true in my life. Especially on this trip.

If I had known that I would be saying until Dec. 3rd (7 weeks! )I know I would have had a hard time coming. I would have come, because He sent me, but He was gracious enough to go easy on me a little.

So what happened... why stay longer?

To be honest, I'm not really sure.

All I do know is that He wasn't finished with me here and that He did speak for me to stay longer. Other than that I am just as clueless as to why I am staying longer as you.

Sure, I am learning so much and meeting so many people... but there's more... I know it.

This trip has really been a sort of proving ground for me. Showing me what I am really made of. Both spiritually and physically. And some of the time... I don't like what I see. But I am so grateful that He loves me enough to show me where I need to grow... it can just be very humbling and frustrating. So often I feel like I should be should be "perfect" and then get upset with myself when I'm not. But I am learning to repent when I make a mistake and move on... I don't want to wallow in self-pity.

Pull up my boot straps and keep moving!

Oh, but back to how the longer stay came about.

Before I left Daddy stopped me and told me that if I needed more time when I got there that was ok. I was like "Ok, thanks but think a month will be long enough".

Then as my date of departure was coming closer and closer, I kept feeling like my time wasn't finished here yet.

But one thing the Lord had to soften my heart to was the idea of spending Thanksgiving away from my family. He slowly started to deal with me in that area by having me read Isaiah. I was reading through when I got to Isaiah 1:14 "... your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me: I am weary to bear them." and I just stopped and thought about Thanksgiving. Why do I put so much emphasis on the day? Why can't everyday be a day of thanksgiving? Please don't get me wrong. I love Thanksgiving and think it is a wonderful time for families to come together and fellowship. I just want to make sure that everyday is a day of thanksgiving, that it is a continual attitude of the heart not just an outward showing. And THAT'S what the Lord was showing me, that it isn't about that one day out of the year.

Another confirmation was rather.. well, humbling.
I asked the Lord for $50 and I asked Him to provide it that day.
Looking back, even though it was less then 24 hours, I can't believe I asked for that. But I wanted to be sure. This was a big deal for me as I didn't have extra money to change my flight tickets, which could be around $300, or to pay for the extra stay here and I just wanted to know that I was where He wanted me.

But I didn't feel what I normally felt when I needed to hear His voice... the striving, the frustration, the I-have-to-hear-Him-now-why-can't-I-hear-Him-I-must-be-doing-something-wrong feeling. I just felt peace, like I just knew He was going to speak to me. I even told Him, as I sat there praying and seeking Him, that I wasn't going to "try" to hear His voice in this matter. I knew I was His child and since I wanted and asked Him to show me where I was supposed to be, He would show me. Not because I "did something" to hear His voice, but simply because He loved me and knew all I wanted was His will. And in the mean time, I was supposed to trust and rest.
And you know what?

He gave it to me.

He not only gave me what I asked for but He doubled it!

And He didn't stop there.

... to be continued.

Ummm.. yeah.

2009-11-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

I just took a shower... and complained cause it was hot.

I hope I remember that when I'm home in the winter taking a warm shower and don't have water pressure.

Kinda puts it in perspective... and makes me feel very silly.

Too Rich?

2009-11-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

So lately I have been thinking a lot about broccoli because... well, I am just like it.

I had been reading a gardening magazine (while brushing my teeth... why does He always seem to speak to me then? Hhhhmm... maybe cause that's when I'm quiet?) and I was reading an article on using leaf mulch as the only soil and the author of the article was saying how his beans didn't do well because the soil was too rich. "Too rich? How could soil be too rich?" I thought.
Then I remembered another article I had read about broccoli and how the first year the author had tried to grow it, it did wonderful but the second year it did horrible and he didn't know why. Then he figured out the he had fertilized it so much the second year that the broccoli never felt threatened and so never went to seed. It never brought forth true life.

Wow.

Doesn't that sound like my life?

Only when I feel like I am "threatened", when I have to make a "big" decision, or do something "important" or really just get out of my comfort zone in some way or another, only then do I really produce any seed or fruit.

There is a difference between growth and fruit. All trees produce leaves but only some produce fruit. There is a difference both in the life of trees as well as a life of a christian. So often I mistake my leaves of growth for blossoms of fruit. And don't get me wrong, growth is wonderful and important but Jesus didn't say, you will know them by their growth. No, He said you would know them by their fruit.

I felt like God has been saying that that is what this trip would be like. I would have to rely on Him and Him alone for everything. And through that, I would produce fruit and seed that would bless and bring life to others, as well as to myself.

So right now, I thank you Lord, for taking me out of my rich comfort zone and placing me in a zone of growth. Don't let me miss what You have for me. Direct each step I take, I belong to You. And want to grow up to be just like You!

Sunday Nov. 1st

2009-11-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

So today

was a full day.

I worked night on Sat. from 10pm-6am. I got to assist for the first time at 1:41am on Nov 1st. It was wonderful! I was very nervous... didn't feel totally prepared but the supervisor and other midwives were so encouraging and said they would help if I needed it. I was praying for an uncomplicated, slow, peaceful birth. God is so good He gave it to me!

The mother was so peaceful she smiled and joked in between contractions. The baby was beautiful and only needed bulb suctioning with an apgar score of 9 (which is really good, 10 being the best). The placenta came out with no problems and she didn't hemorrhage, a common problem here, at least lately anyway.

After running on an adrenaline high for a couple of hours I crashed on the couch at 4:30am and woke up at 6am. After endorsements and breakfast I took a nap f or 3 hours and then got to talk to my family on Skype. Thank God for Skype!

Then I went to church for the rest of the service and met up with Maricel, a Filipino woman I met last Sunday. We went to lunch and then went to her violin lesson, which ended up being cancelled but we had a wonderful time talking and playing together. She could play Mississippi Hotdog and Twinkle so I taught her Amazing Grace. She picked it up really quick and was so excited to play a Hymn... she really has a heart for worship.

After I got back to the Orange House Krys came and picked up some of us girls that wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee, which the play every Sunday afternoon. I had never played and was rather nervous... I didn't even know how to play. But it was so fun! Another favorite sport!

We came home tired and sweaty. It was so hot everyone was drenched in sweat... welcome to the Philippines! :-)

Then, after showering, Amber, Joy, Carmen, and I worshiped together for awhile. We even played some songs in Visayan. New goal: learn to actually sing them!

We also sang Above All and it almost brought me to tears. As soon as I heard the first words I was taken down memory lane to the first wedding that Vicky and I danced in. We did that song and it seemed like just yesterday. I can't believe it has been almost 7 years since then.

The BOOM... OK, so it wasn't that loud but it was loud as the rain fell in torrents. We had to almost yell to hear each other over the noise. It was wonderful. And it cooled things off for the evening.

So that was my day.... and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

2009-10-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

So my time is quickly coming to a close here. I have 12 days left.

In some ways I feel like I have been here forever and in others I feel like I have just gotten here.
God has been sooooo good to me. Everything has been over and abundantly what I have expected. I cannot believe all I have been able to do!

I have been working in the clinic almost everyday and finally have all my observes and charts done so hopefully when I work night shift I will be able to assist. I am not sure how many I will have to have but I believe I will need 10 before I can catch. So... who knows, maybe I will get to catch a baby before I go home. That would be AMAZING (and totally unexpected)!

Maria and I have finally found the fabric needed to have my favorite pair of culottes copied and maybe today we will find a tailor. We were also hoping to eat dinner at Cup and Lowercase, a wonderful brick fired pizza place. I think it tops even J &J's at home! My favorite pizza so far has been the Arugula and Gorgonzola Cheese Pizza. It does look kinda funny when it comes with these big arugula leaves on it but it is oh, so good!

Fun ways to travel!

2009-10-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

Check out the link... about the only transportation I haven't tried yet!http://www.bing.com/travel/content/search?q=Philippines%3a+Jeepney&cid=msn1098655&gt1=41000

Photos!

2009-10-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

My camera decided to work so here are some photos of the Philippines

Count down...

2009-10-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

While here the clinic was having a contest to see who could guess the time of birth for the 15,000 baby here. There was a prize for both the mother of the baby and the closest guesser.

Last night I had the honor of actually being on shift when she was born! I had gotten to help with baby number 14,999 and was taking vitals in the post partum room when I heard yelling, Bethany Stewart and I ran to the birth room and saw the new baby placed on her mommy's tummy! 9:07pm 10-26-09 (Filippino time). The parents didn't even know of the contest and were very surprised and excited. They even named the baby Mercy Joy! How sweet.
Krystina, Mercy's Director, actually guessed the closest time of 9:00pm! She gave her prize to the parents as well.

So that, along with a lot of new thing I have learned , was the highlight of my week!

Goooooo Summer!

2009-10-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

Summer won 1st place in Fiddle at the Delaware Fiddlers Convention!
I am sooooo happy for her!
She is doing such a wonderful job.
She doesn't even have her own violin right now, she is using a borrowed one.

Good-Bye Photos

2009-10-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Photos from the Airport:

You all have been so wonderful to me! You all are amazing! I love you all.

I'm still here.

2009-10-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am still here. I just haven't had much new happen except that I did get to observe 2 births and some postpartum checks. I also learned how to measure fundal height, find baby's postion and count fetal heart tones today during prenatal checks.

Other than that it has been pretty quiet, just working and studying.
So if I don't update much it's just because I am doing a lot of the same over and over and over until I get it. :-)
Oh and my camera card has decided not to let me take the pictures off of it so no picture posts until I get that worked out. *sigh*

So....

2009-10-18T02:27:00.000-07:00

I worked my first shift yesterday, 6am-2pm. It was rather slow.
I work tomorrow from 2pm-10pm.
As a side note I'm not really working. I am following/observing and if I can do anything such as charting and making beds (haven't done that yet but they said I would be doing quite a few of them!) then I will do that.

I rode the longest zipline in Asia yesterday afternoon and today we went snorkeling at the Coral Reef and The Wall. Coral Reef is exactly what it sounds like, a coral reef. :-) But it is beautiful! The corals are amazing. The Wall is a coral reef that just drops from about 6-7 ft to about 20ft...so neat! I wished I had a camera.

Speaking of cameras... I am having issues getting the pictures off my camera so .... pictures will hopefully come later.

Thank You All!

2009-10-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

My Mom asked me to write and say thank you to everyone who has called and e-mailed! She has been so blessed by the love and encouragement you all have given her. If she doesn't get to call or e-mail back please understand that there just isn't enough time in the day. But she loves and appreciates it.

And I thank you for all the love and encouragement and prayers you have given me. I am overwhelmed. Thank you!

Filipino "Yes"

2009-10-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Taken from my orientation papers:
"Filipino 'yes' may mean "maybe, I don't know, if you say so, if it will please you, I hope I have said it enthusiastically enough for you to understand I really mean no!"

And it is so true.

1st Shift

2009-10-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

I start observing tomorrow morning at 6am (6pm Eastern Time). That will be my first shift... morning. Around 6-8 hours. Then I have off on Sun. since everyone is going on a boat trip to go snorkeling. Some of the girls' families are here so they wanted to do something special... looks like I came at the right time! :-)

Then I observe on the 19th swing shift, 21st prenatal, 22nd and 23rd swing shift, 24th day shift, 26th something-I-can't-remember, 27th day shift, and 29th swing. I know that was probably rather boring but... that's my first 2 weeks schedule.

We did go out tonight to the park and had Durian, Mangosteen and some other fruit that wasn't all that great. Durian is... wow, really different. They say it grows on you the more you eat it. I'm not so sure of that. It was like an egg custard... I don't even know how to describe it. It isn't too bad if you gulp coke after taking a bite. I really like the mangosteen.. it's like a lemon crossed with an orange... or something. It's a little tangy.

Well, I had better go to bed... have to get up early.

Destination

2009-10-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am.

Davao City, Philippines

Half-way across the World. Can't believe I am really here. This is my first day here. I arrived last night (15th) and had a good-night sleep. My body is still adjusting to the time change and humidity... there is no A/C in the buildings. God knows my weakness! The girls have been wonderful and I am excited, though nervous. I am sharing a room with 4 other girls.
Today I will get to tour Mercy Maternity and work on /get my schedule. The night I arrived I found out they had just had a taxi delivery... yes, a delivery in a taxi!

I know I will be busy so I am enjoying this slow morning.

Now Boarding...

2009-10-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Airport good-byes are hard. Actually any good-byes are hard for me. I didn't even turn around to wave good-bye as I walked away. I couldn't.
So here I am waiting for my third flight, from Seoul, Korea to Manila, Philippines. From there I have one more 2 hour flight to Davao.
The Lord has been so merciful to me during these flights... on the longest flight He gave me a window seat so I could actually sleep!

This trip has given me so much to think about.
On the 13th, before I left, I was trying to get some errands done. Of course I was in a rush and normally errands don't make me very joyful (though I am learning to count it all joy). I walked into the post office and there was about 10 people in line ahead of me. I stood there and thought "I won't be able to stand in the Berlin post office for a month". Then the line didn't seem so long, and it even seemed to move quicker. I guess all I am trying to say is this trip has made me very grateful for the people and things around me. I hadn't noticed in awhile how beautiful it has been around our house or how much I really do need all the people He has surrounded me with. I have been overwhelmed with the love and thoughtfulness everyone has shown me. I feel so unworthy and inadequate. Thank you all for your love!
-Monika

Leaving

2009-10-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

So here I am trying to fit the last few things in my suitcase while trying to stay under the weight limit.

My plane leaves Dulles at 7:03pm.

In the meantime I am also getting ready for FiberFest! and a friends wedding I am supposed to play in. These last few days are going to be busy.... er, busier than I already am. :-)

My friends had a going-away dinner for me on Tues. We had so much fun! I have such wonderful friends and family! Everyone has been too good to me. My family has blessed and encouraged me sooo much. It is going to be hard to not cry at the Airport.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow, until we meet again on the morrow (or next month)" -Shakespeare

Our new hobby :-)

2009-10-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the Fiddlers Convention

2009-10-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Fiddlers Convention '09

2009-09-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

Friday night some of the kids decided to enter the Berlin Fiddler's convention. Without much preparation, the Lord moved and blessed them and others through them. Definitely not polished. The Lord can do a lot with a little. So, Saturday, they gave it a whirl.
Summer competed in Fiddle and Mandolin.
Sophie in Fiddle.
David, Sophie and Summer in Youth Band which they decided 20 minutes before their category. Dad had to run home a get David's violin!!

Summer placed 1st in Mandolin! She was excellent and completely self-taught!
They decided to play as a Band about 20 mins before they had to go on, taught David the words and how to play "2 dollar bill" on the violin. They decided on Mississippi Mud Truck and Amazing Grace and 2 Dollar Bill and placed 2nd! They were wonderful! Jonathan and Ruby were ready to play with them but....Jonathan, when he got on stage, ran off the stage and took off down the rode carrying his violin as the crowd urged him to play. As dad put Ruby on stage, of course it was a long day without a nap she cried and jumped down into daddy's arms.

How could we have done all this without the help of our good friends and neighbors, the Hammer family. They picked up Summer and Sophie at 9:30 so they could be there to register at 10 am and stayed with them until we arrived. They continued to help us all through the long day by holding kids and baby, running to and fro, encouraging the children, giving a cold drink, and lending Summer the mandolin to play on!!! We owe you, Hammers!!!

I am so proud of them!

-Lisa

Yet Again

2009-09-20T05:18:00.000-07:00

I will be (trying) to write the whole story behind how this trip even came about and how God has shown me His incredible love and grace through it... again and again and again.

This trip came about last year actually. My Mom had found NISM (Newlife International School of Midwifery) while researching for Christian Midwives on Google. I applied for the school's BS program, a 3 year program, back in Jan. I didn't make it in to the school so I thought I would apply next Jan. I couldn't say exactly why I felt the Lord leading me in this direction. I had a couple of guesses but nothing absolutely cut in stone.
Then the Lord opened the door for an internship. I was excited but unsure if this was the Lord... the biggest deal, for me, was funds. I just had no clue how I was going to pay for it. I knew the Lord could provide but my little human-brain couldn't figure out how He was going to do it.

While still praying about the internship I received a check in the mail from Wor-Wic ,the community college I had been attending, for almost the exact amount I needed to cover the room and board fee!
I have absolutely no idea why I received the check but am just in awe that He provided in a way I never thought possible.

How quickly I forget His awesomeness.

I spent a lot of time searching for a flight that didn't spend over 4 hours in any layover and/or wouldn't stay over night in Manila, as NISM had recommended. I was having a hard time and getting frustrated. The only flights that met that criteria were quite a bit more expensive then the ones that did have long layover and all-nighters.
Finally I laid it down, didn't search for about a week, and just wanted the Lord to take care of it.

He did... of course. Why do I doubt? Why do I only give it to Him after I am frustrated?

.....to be continued.

Happy New Year!

2009-09-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

Shana Tova!
Today at sundown marks the start of the year 5770. Rosh Hashanah is the start of the Jewish new year.

So have a happy rosh hashanah dinner and an amazing God filled year!

Today and Forever

2009-09-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis". -James Thurber

"... I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever". Psalm 23:6

How do we dwell in the Spirit? In the House of the Lord? In Peace? In anything, good or bad?

By staying, day by day, minute by minute.
I must make a conscience decision to stay in peace, love, and joy even when the going gets tough... because that's when it matters most.

So Long, Farewell....

2009-09-05T11:53:00.000-07:00

...well, not exactly. :-)

I will be leaving mid October to intern for a month with Newlife International School of Midwifery in the Philippines.

http://www.midwifeschool.org/Home.htm

It is going to be exciting, scary and most of all stretching.
I can't believe I am really going. Please pray for me that God would guide and provide the perfect travel plans. I don't want to waiver or doubt in this moment. I have made enough mistakes already and want only what the Lord wants for my life. Years ago I decided that since the Lord gave His life for me the least I could do was to give Him my life. So here I am today, following where He is leading even if I don't really see or understand why.

But then if I could see and understand it wouldn't be trusting, now would it?

How silly I can be sometimes.... most of the time. :-)
Why shouldn't I trust my Maker? It is absolutely mind-boggling to think that I would know better then the Lord of all the Earth how to handle any situation. But that's what I am doing. When I don't trust, when I don't do or say what He has told me then I am acting like I know best. The truth is that the Lord said "He would never leave me nor forsake me" and that " all things work together for good" for me! Everything. Everything.

I can see myself now:

"Wow Lord! You are so amazing! Look at the awesomeness of all you have created, from the magnitude of the Heavens to the depth of the oceans. You are so...so... wonderful. Words don't even begin to describe. I surrender my life to You. I want what you want in every area of my life."

God: "You have said it."

Me: "Umm... (nervous laugh) what are You doing?"

God: "Exactly what you asked for, My will."

Me: "What are you crazy!? That's not what I wanted.. I mean what You wanted. You gave me these dreams, these desires, right? Aren't they part of Your will? What are You doing with them?!"

God: "Until you let go of them you will always be in subjection to them instead of to Me. If they are part of My plan I will restore: pressed down, shaken, and running over."

Me: "But... (sniffle) I can't. I've built my life on them. I don't want to let go. They are a comfort zone to me. I can always run to them. You can't be doing this for my good. It hurts too much."

God: "I know. So many times I have wanted to comfort you with a peace that will never leave you but you have run to other things, other people. Will you surrender? Will you give your life for Me just as I have given it for you? Will you pray as Jesus, Not my will but Thine be done?"

Yes.
Lord, sometimes the way has seemed hard, that You were asking too much but you haven't. Help me to always die to my fleshly desires and to serve You in anyway You see fit. My all I do and all I say draw others to You. I want to be like the moon and reflect the Son's light, having no light of it's own.

2009-08-19T16:25:00.001-07:00

Hi! We are at the first shorebirds game of the season... at least for us anyway! Hopefully this drizzle will pass and they will actually play.

Pizza Party

2009-08-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! Someone gave us a whole bunch of pizza dough.
We had so much fun making our own pizzas.... can't you tell??
And yes some of it we did drop and didn't use (I didn't drop my pizza dough! woohoo!)

It was such a fun family time. We were all laughing so hard.... it was one of those moments that just happened and you wish they would happen all the time... I know I will always smile when I think of Tin-tin's necklace, Ruby's dough-we-didn't-use-cause-it-was-dropped-so-much, and Summer, Sophie, and David all trying to throw it up and catch it.

Cookie Class

2009-07-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

The week of July 5th (yes it's taken that long to post this) Arlene and Dori came down to teach us how to make cookies, ricotta cheese, and how to decorate cakes.
We had a wonderful time!
Here are some of the many pictures of the week... hopefully it won't take too long to post the rest! :-)

Happy Birthday!

2009-06-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hooray Tin-Tin! You are all 5 fingers now! :) We love you!

Fellowship Fun

2009-06-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

The Lilley Family would like to let you know that there will be a dinner/bonfire/fellowship gathering on Sat. (20th)
and an all day long (11am-8:30pm) BBQ/fellowship gathering on Sun. (21st) at our house.
ALL ARE WELCOME!!!! :)

Blessings!

Ok...Ok...I'll step back.

2009-06-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday as I was praying for direction for someone else the Lord showed me a picture of a little child with her little face pressed against the cold window pane, watching and waiting as patiently as possible. After a few minutes she couldn't see out the window anymore because her breath was covering the window with fog.

I knew that was for me.

There has been so much new stuff going on, so many new doors open, that lately I have wondered what I will be doing 5 years or even 6 months down the road.

I want so badly to see what He is doing... what I will be doing. I don't try to "stick my nose" into it or fix it or change it, I just want to know and I want to know NOW. But in trying to see through the glass for the future, I fog it up. All I need to know is for now... not for the future and when I strain and press and try to figure it all out and try to see what will happen, I miss what is going on in my life now. If I would simply step back and rest in His arms, He will give me direction when I need it .

Happy Birthday!

2009-06-09T06:54:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday lil' Dave. 8 years old already. We love you!

Say what?

2009-06-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

Summer has been singing "Are you going to Scarborough Fair?" So then I hear Davy walk by singing " Are you bound by Scarlet Fever?"

2009-06-01T11:29:00.001-07:00

So cool! Just set up my phone to update the blog. This could get interesting..... :)
1Corinthians13

Being the Best

2009-05-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

"If I'm not the best then I'm not doing it!" *emphatic stomp of the foot*

Sounds like a spoiled little kid, right?

Wrong.

That sounds a lot like... me.

SO many times I get caught in the trap that I am not good enough or that I don't know enough. Not good enough to teach, don't know everything about it (whatever that may be), there are millions of others better than me in this or that or another thing, I am not worthy to talk to this person, and on and on.

I know in the back of my mind that if the Lord calls me to a certain situation or position then I am "good enough". Not because of anything I have done or said or will do but simply because He has placed me there. Last night I was talking to a gentleman over the phone about a new position the Lord might place me in. The more he spoke about it, the more my mind cried " Monika! What are you thinking?? You're not good enough, you haven't had enough experience...". I was shaking on the inside. Mr. E__ had to go but he ended the conversation with this. " When I started this school, I didn't feel good enough. I wasn't a professional, but the Lord spoke to me and said that I didn't have to be a professional to bless these people. If the Lord is calling you here, than you are good enough". I thanked him with tears in my eyes. And as I hung up the phone I thanked the Lord. He knew what I needed. He always does.

This is something I wrote back in Nov. of 2008. It still rings so true in my life.... but I am (slowly) learning. :)

Oh how they grow!

2009-05-20T19:32:00.001-07:00

The ducks love the pond and baby pool!

Poor bunny... Ruby loves him too much!

Our new baby bunnies born on Monday!